Verdict: Last Weekend

Last Weekend: Not Good. The Lady of the Manor was driving The Wee Yapper up the wall. There are 2 pictures I can't get out of my head.

Picture #1: If The Wee Yapper had claws and teeth like a beaver and a termite's gastronomical taste, it'd be like this: The Wee Yapper would clawing down and munching through the walls of the manor in order to escape ANY talk of THE wedding.

Picture #2:

Credits: The Shouty Track by Lemon Jelly courtesy of Consolidated Independent and XL Recordings

Please do not ask me to explain how Picture #2 found its way into my head. It's surreal escapism, if you will. I really am quite harmless. You must believe me.

Back to The Lady of the Manor. It has come to the point where she sorely lacks any semblance of the capacity to comprehend. The Wee Yapper feels like Jackie Chan's character in Rush Hour 2 where he yells "Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?"

Let's see, I can make a list of the things we do not agree on the wedding:

Date of THE wedding:
She: 2008 ("Indians don't marry outside the months of Jan-Apr")
Me: That's ridiculous. Loads of Indian couples get married from May - Dec too.
She: No. No. No.
Me: So let's have it in April 2007 then.
She: That's too soon. Nobody plans a wedding in less than a year.
Me: No, everyone can plan it within a year. Just not you.
She: You just want the wedding next year, that's all. No one but you.

A Banquet
She: We'll have a wedding banquet.
Me: No. No, hotel wedding banquets. That's traditionally a Chinese practice.
She: No, everyone does it.
Me: Yes, but it started as a Chinese practice and now it's catching on. But we don't want that.
She: But your brother had it for his wedding. So it'll only be fair that you have one too.
Me: Fair? It's OK, I don't mind not having one.
She: No, we'll have one.
Me: [exasperated] Fine, just not at a hotel. It'll be at a tasteful Indian restaurant.

The Day of the Banquet
She: Maybe it'll be a few days after the temple wedding. Or if we're lucky, the day after the wedding.
Me: It won't be fair for his family and friends. They won't be able to do that. They're only flying down for a couple of days, not a week or anything more than that.
She: That's nonsense. Of course they are.
Me: Listen to me. I'm telling you that they aren't.
She: You're negative about everything. Of course they'll be in town for more than a few days.

These are not the exact words of the conversation. Only because it's too traumatic to repeat the conversation in all its entirety. But the essence of it has been captured, I reckon.

So it has been agreed that The Wee Yapper will avoid all talk of THE wedding with the Lady of the Manor until the Union Thug gets into town in August to negotiate wedding terms with her. Because it is quite plain to see that The Lady of the Manor will not listen to a word that The WeeYapper has to say, even if this IS The Wee Yapper's wedding!! Grrrr..........