A few weeks ago I sms-ed two girlfriends to tell them the exciting news of when I'd be getting married. But I wasn't quite expecting the sort of reactions that I received.
Both had responded with sms-s. I was hoping for a girlfriend shrieking in excitement and joy on the other end of the line. I was hoping for at least a call to say, "Hey, that's fab news!!! We're so happy for you!!! What do you need us to do? The flowers? The decor? The music? Can we be bridesmaids? Are you doing this at a temple or church? Is there going to be a wedding in Singapore and then another in Perth?" I had thought that when one of us is planning to get married, we'd all throw our hands in the air, volunteering enthusiastically our help to do this and that.
But no, they were sms-s responses. One sent her congratulations and the other, apart from sending her congrats, also said to give them a ring if I needed help with wedding preps.
What was more disappointing (there's more?) was when I had asked the #1 to be my wedding coordinator, she declined and said that the second friend, #2, was a much better bet since she's been married before, she'd know what to do.
A) I never knew you had to be a missus to be a wedding coordinator.
#1 had actually helped #2 with her wedding last year. But she added that it was the couple running the show and she helped do whatever the couple had asked. I told #1 that was all I needed as well, and maybe a little help along the way with the know-hows of an Indian traditional wedding. But she insisted she knew nothing about such.
B) It was disappointing to hear that from her especially since no one could possibly know less than me (a wee yapper who comes from a family who can't even communicate in the language let alone practice all its traditions), and her Aussie-bloke fiancé.
I saw this wasn't going anywhere and it would be pointless in having a less than enthusiastic wedding coordinator so I said thanks and left it at that.
The whole exchange left me feeling very upset and disappointed. If your girlfriends (chicks you consider to be your mates and whom you hold to close to your heart) are not thrilled for you, what then? Somehow I cannot help but wonder, if you're the first in a circle of friends to get married, the excitement level just tips the scale. As you go round that circle of friends, as each one gets married, the excitement level starts to wane. Is it because we're getting older and are incapable of the enthusiasm that we once felt over a friend getting married? Is it because the notion of singlehood is more depressing than ever when you hear of yet another friend getting married? Not true, on both counts, as was illustrated by another group of girlfriends recently.
4 of them. One has been married barely a month, another about to pop her first child in barely a month, the other has been having a very bad year with family illnesses and the possible fact that she could be at risk too, and the fourth has been busy jetting back and forth between countries and working hard at her job. They have shown how thrilled to bitties they are for me, from talk about what colour sarees they ought to wear, who's going to be bridesmaid, who's doing the music, etc. They even rallied round me, even when they had more pressing matters on their mind, just so that they can join me on a Saturday evening to look at wedding gowns. Before that, two of them came all the way to the North (nobody comes up this way!) to a bridal boutique just so that they can give me their two cents worth on the designs the boutique had. They risked getting lost, vehicle clamps and $200 fines, and even the mother of all inconveniences - PMS, just so that they could be there for me.
I keep thanking them for being there for me because I truly do appreciate it. Granted, it's not like I've been diagnosed with a terminal illness. But I do appreciate the fact that they are making all this time for wee me. And it really warms my heart that I do have friends who are enthusiastic for me and who want to share in our joy. I am blessed.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Like Mother, Like Daughter? Noooooooo!!!
It has been a while since I last posted. So much has happened! First, the good news. My Honey Bun-neeey and I now know when we're getting married!!! But how we got to know of the news is a story in itself.
The Lady of the Manor had told me that she wanted to write to my Honey Bun-neeey and that she needed help in vetting the letter for language mistakes. The first thought that came to mind was that she was jealous of how I was writing to my HB's mom and family. Well, you can't really blame me because just weeks before the Lady of the Manor threw a maniacal fit when I didn't tell her about my HB's mom's gallstone surgery. She even suggested it's because I wanted to keep a distance between them. I roll my eyes. The imagination runs wild. But it's scaring me. Is this where I get my vivid imagination from?!
Anyhow, as I was vetting the letter, it went on to say when our most feasible *wedding dates would be. Alright, for those of you who are crying out against the lack of freedom in choosing one's own wedding dates, you might be interested to read the afternote at the end of this post. For the rest who are crying out against the manner in which I had to learn about my own wedding dates, I say "spot on"!
Whatever happened to good ol' communicating? Sitting down over a meal or a cup of tea or at breakfast, and telling me in person about having found good dates for our wedding? Why is that the only way she can tell me of the dates is to get me to vet the letter she's writing to my HB? This just puts the icing on the Ridiculusmus Cake!
I keep telling my Honey Bun-neeey that if I'm in danger of turning out to be like her, then he should sit me down immediately and tell me off. His response? He asked, "But will you listen to me?" Oh oh.... the danger signs are showing already.
How many times have we told ourselves we are NEVER going to turn out like our mom or dad?? Although it's a scientific fact that we inherit physical characteristics from our parents, how often do we inherit behavioural traits? Can we resist inheriting behavioural traits? Can we say yes to some and toss those embarrassing/ridiculus ones into the rejected pile?
Oh, yes, I almost forgot. So what were the dates mentioned in the letter? June 2007 or September 2007. Other than being terribly excited (read: jumping about in my skin), I was actually gloating when I read it. Yeah, the unmistakable and signature cheeky Wee Yapper grin creeped across my face. I couldn't help it.
It was a slap in the Lady of the Manor's face because there she was, a few weeks ago, ranting about how Indian weddings only take place from January to April each year and the months outside this period is just inauspicious. But here's proof, from a higher power above us (read: the faithful ol' astrologer at the temple), and from the stars above, that Indian weddings do take place throughout the year, and infact, our auspicious dates fall outside this January - April illusion that the Lady of the Manor holds very strongly to. It's a slap in her face because she simply won't listen to me or the people close to her. She needs someone with more authority to tell her the very same thing, and only then will she listen. The message is essentially the same, but because it comes from someone else, it's more worthy of listening. That, unfortunately, is the Lady of the Manor.
But moving on from that, the Honey Bun-neeey and I have discussed the pros and cons of a June 07 and a Sept 07 wedding, and we have both decided that a Sept 07 wedding is best suited for our plans.
So yes, friends, the Honey Bun-neeey and the Wee Yapper will be joined in a beautiful union in September 2007.
*Wedding Dates - You must be baffled about how it's the parent to come up with appropriate wedding dates for the bride/groom. Well, here's a piece of cultural byte: According to Indian customary traditions, the parents of the bride/groom consults an astrologer for auspicious wedding dates based on the couple's birth date and time. Hence, that is what the Lady of the Manor did.
The Lady of the Manor had told me that she wanted to write to my Honey Bun-neeey and that she needed help in vetting the letter for language mistakes. The first thought that came to mind was that she was jealous of how I was writing to my HB's mom and family. Well, you can't really blame me because just weeks before the Lady of the Manor threw a maniacal fit when I didn't tell her about my HB's mom's gallstone surgery. She even suggested it's because I wanted to keep a distance between them. I roll my eyes. The imagination runs wild. But it's scaring me. Is this where I get my vivid imagination from?!
Anyhow, as I was vetting the letter, it went on to say when our most feasible *wedding dates would be. Alright, for those of you who are crying out against the lack of freedom in choosing one's own wedding dates, you might be interested to read the afternote at the end of this post. For the rest who are crying out against the manner in which I had to learn about my own wedding dates, I say "spot on"!
Whatever happened to good ol' communicating? Sitting down over a meal or a cup of tea or at breakfast, and telling me in person about having found good dates for our wedding? Why is that the only way she can tell me of the dates is to get me to vet the letter she's writing to my HB? This just puts the icing on the Ridiculusmus Cake!
I keep telling my Honey Bun-neeey that if I'm in danger of turning out to be like her, then he should sit me down immediately and tell me off. His response? He asked, "But will you listen to me?" Oh oh.... the danger signs are showing already.
How many times have we told ourselves we are NEVER going to turn out like our mom or dad?? Although it's a scientific fact that we inherit physical characteristics from our parents, how often do we inherit behavioural traits? Can we resist inheriting behavioural traits? Can we say yes to some and toss those embarrassing/ridiculus ones into the rejected pile?
Oh, yes, I almost forgot. So what were the dates mentioned in the letter? June 2007 or September 2007. Other than being terribly excited (read: jumping about in my skin), I was actually gloating when I read it. Yeah, the unmistakable and signature cheeky Wee Yapper grin creeped across my face. I couldn't help it.
It was a slap in the Lady of the Manor's face because there she was, a few weeks ago, ranting about how Indian weddings only take place from January to April each year and the months outside this period is just inauspicious. But here's proof, from a higher power above us (read: the faithful ol' astrologer at the temple), and from the stars above, that Indian weddings do take place throughout the year, and infact, our auspicious dates fall outside this January - April illusion that the Lady of the Manor holds very strongly to. It's a slap in her face because she simply won't listen to me or the people close to her. She needs someone with more authority to tell her the very same thing, and only then will she listen. The message is essentially the same, but because it comes from someone else, it's more worthy of listening. That, unfortunately, is the Lady of the Manor.
But moving on from that, the Honey Bun-neeey and I have discussed the pros and cons of a June 07 and a Sept 07 wedding, and we have both decided that a Sept 07 wedding is best suited for our plans.
So yes, friends, the Honey Bun-neeey and the Wee Yapper will be joined in a beautiful union in September 2007.
*Wedding Dates - You must be baffled about how it's the parent to come up with appropriate wedding dates for the bride/groom. Well, here's a piece of cultural byte: According to Indian customary traditions, the parents of the bride/groom consults an astrologer for auspicious wedding dates based on the couple's birth date and time. Hence, that is what the Lady of the Manor did.
Out of Touch
What happens when you get a call from a girlfriend whom you haven't heard in ages? Wouldn't you be thrilled??? I would have been too. Except, she opened the conversation with "You are THE MOST DIFFICULT WOMAN to reach!!!!" Naturally, I was annoyed. It felt like an accusation was being thrown my way. Etiquette bestsellers (has any etiquette book made it as a bestseller??) don't tell you this but you don't open a conversation with that.
Apparently she had been trying to reach me since April but I always missed her calls. I thought that was just a tad bit strange because if she had been trying to reach me on my mobile phone, I know I'd have missed her call. Perhaps she always called from her office, which then would have been difficult to trace because it's a running line and not a direct number. But that brought me to my next question. Why didn't she sms me then??? She tried evading this question which I found a wee bit odd.
I remember waiting for her to get back to me about meeting up with my Honey Bun-neeey when he was last here in April but she never did. I distinctly recall the mild disappointment in my voice when I told my Honey Bun-neeey that I hadn't heard from her nor her husband. But we brushed it off, attributing the fact that it would be hard to fix up something with them to the short time that my HB was going to be in Singapore.
Coming back to the conversation with this friend in question, it didn't get off to a great start and it left a sour aftertaste in my mouth. I didn't understand her behaviour during the conversation. It was friendly, but it was accusational nonetheless. Was she trying to pull a fast one to mask the fact that she had been out of touch? Why? Is this all because she's embarrassed to say that she fell out of touch for a while? I would see no reason to be embarrassed. I think we have reached an age where we understand and respect that each one of us have got our own thing going that keeping in touch, is although a constant, doesn't have to be as regular as it was. I respect that, especially with this particular friend. She's recently married so I understand that she's got new perspectives in her life now and it's important for her to spend time working on her relationship that has just entered a new level.
So there is no need for this drama. Being out of touch is not an issue. The fact that a friend does call means much more. It shows that although he or she has been busy, you're not forgotten.
Apparently she had been trying to reach me since April but I always missed her calls. I thought that was just a tad bit strange because if she had been trying to reach me on my mobile phone, I know I'd have missed her call. Perhaps she always called from her office, which then would have been difficult to trace because it's a running line and not a direct number. But that brought me to my next question. Why didn't she sms me then??? She tried evading this question which I found a wee bit odd.
I remember waiting for her to get back to me about meeting up with my Honey Bun-neeey when he was last here in April but she never did. I distinctly recall the mild disappointment in my voice when I told my Honey Bun-neeey that I hadn't heard from her nor her husband. But we brushed it off, attributing the fact that it would be hard to fix up something with them to the short time that my HB was going to be in Singapore.
Coming back to the conversation with this friend in question, it didn't get off to a great start and it left a sour aftertaste in my mouth. I didn't understand her behaviour during the conversation. It was friendly, but it was accusational nonetheless. Was she trying to pull a fast one to mask the fact that she had been out of touch? Why? Is this all because she's embarrassed to say that she fell out of touch for a while? I would see no reason to be embarrassed. I think we have reached an age where we understand and respect that each one of us have got our own thing going that keeping in touch, is although a constant, doesn't have to be as regular as it was. I respect that, especially with this particular friend. She's recently married so I understand that she's got new perspectives in her life now and it's important for her to spend time working on her relationship that has just entered a new level.
So there is no need for this drama. Being out of touch is not an issue. The fact that a friend does call means much more. It shows that although he or she has been busy, you're not forgotten.
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